Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Letter to a local Radio Station

Dear Star 94,

I think we need to break up.

It's not you, it's me. Well, that's not entirely true. It is you a little bit.

It's just, I'm not sure I know who you are any more. This identity crisis you've been having, it's left me as confused as you. Are you Top 40? Are you 90s? Are you some horrible abomination of tween pop music? I just don't know anymore.

I feel like you've fallen into the same patterns. Twenty songs in your playlist, most of them by artists younger than the kids I used to babysit for. Maybe I am too old to hang out with you anymore, but I'm only 25: aren't I supposed to be in your target demographic?

We had some good times, too. Remember Friday Night 80's? That was great. I used to drive home from school with you blasting terrible 80's music. My sis and I sang along at the top of our lungs, even though we really aren't old enough to remember the 80's beyond watching My Little Pony and Jem on Saturday mornings.

You started your Big 90's Weekend this year, and I thought I was falling in love with you again. You played songs I hadn't heard in years, and the variety was incredible. You played Savage Garden, and my heart lept. "MmmBop" came on, and I might have been yours. But that love was fleeting as you returned to your same bad habits. How many times can you play "Stay" in an hour? Lisa Loeb is great, but "Stay" really isn't that good of a song, and it's definitely not as fun to sing along to as "MmmBop."

And your latest advertising campaign really has me confused. You tell me I "don't have to sit through this before this," but sometimes you play a clip from a song I do kinda want to listen to. Who is your target with this ads? It certainly can't be your listeners--you're playing clips from metal, techno and country songs that your listeners may very well listen to. When you play those clips only to tell me that they suck, you're telling me that my taste in music sucks, and that is really not cool.

For that matter, don't you play techno- and country-pop? Don't some of your artists toy with guitar riffs like the heaviest rockers? I think you might be in denial of a few key character traits, Star 94. Lady Gaga writes dance music. Taylor Swift is 95% country. Linkin Park is...well...Linkin Park.

I don't know whose idea your marketing plan was, but it really wasn't very well thought out. It's like you're trying to dress up in designer clothes so you can hang out with the cool kids, but let's face it: you are a Top 40 station. People listen to you because you are supposed to be (a little) predictable, you don't make any judgements, and every once in a while, you'll surprise us with a classic song or exclusive launch.

The only surprising thing you've done lately, Star 94, is your insulting marketing campaign.

So this is it, Start 94. As much as I loved your 90's weekends and celebrity interviews, we've got to let each other go. So long, Star 94. I'm going to plug in my auxilary cable from here on out.

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